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4 years ago
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This is a story dedicated to Morganโฅ๏ธ or
@๐๐ค๐ผโพalways, morganโพ๐ค๐ผ๐ go show her some loveโฅ๏ธand please donโt comment until im done
(Sorry had to do something quick)
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4 years agoWhat is Nothing?
By: Emma
Friday, August 23, 2019
What is nothing? Some might say it doesnโt exist. Others say itโs just a word. That itโs just an overused exaggeration. How am I supposed to find out for myself if I donโt even live to 16? How am I supposed to know if itโs true? If itโs real?
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4 years agoYes, thatโs right. I probably wonโt live to 16. You see, I have Leukemia, stage three. That means my blood is diseased. The doctors caught it late and Iโll start my first round of chemotherapy tomorrow. Iโm scared. I havenโt told anyone about this yet. Just my family. I donโt have any close friends or a boyfriend or anything. Just me. Itโs hard. It is hard not knowing which day is going to be your last. On the outside, Iโm as healthy as can be. But on the inside, thatโs where the plague runs
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4 years ago runs wild. I donโt have the power to stop it so I canโt. Iโm just supposed to sit there and let them inject something into me. To help, and to hurt.
Saturday, August 24, 2019
My dad takes me over to the hospital. I walk through the lonely halls imagining the stories of everyone who has stayed here. Anything to keep my mind off the medication that will soon be shoved into my body.
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4 years agoI move to make way for an elderly man using his walker to inch down the hallway. I feel bad for him, but soon I wonโt be much better off. I shiver, thinking of the day when Iโll have to lay in a hospital bed for days, weeks until my body finally gives out. I throw that thought at the wall. โThink positive!โ My dad said earlier this morning. I still roll my eyes thinking about it. How am I supposed to โthink positiveโ when thereโs hardly any hope?
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4 years agoThereโs a 40% chance Iโll live through this, and if I survived, eventually my cancer could come back. Thereโs no use in โthinking positiveโ, itโs just a waste of time.
I arrive in a big room with chairs placed strategically around the walls. I check in with the nurse and choose a spot next to a window. Iโm not ready to start my first round of chemo.
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4 years agoIโm not ready to lose my hair and be sick out of my mind. A nurse comes and sticks a needle in my skin. I watch the medicine in the bag slowly drip down, through the pipe and into me. I shudder and focus on my new sketch, a brick wall with Ironman spray-painted on the side. So far, Iโd say it looks pretty good. I keep sketching to keep my mind off two things. One, the medicine that flowing through my body, and two,
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4 years agomy school starts on Monday and I know no one. My only friend moved to Wyoming, which is over 15 hours away from Seattle, where she left me, alone. I continue to draw, my hand gripping around the pencil more and more.
Thursday, August 29, 2019
I missed school yesterday from the effects of chemo. I was vomiting constantly, hardly ever leaving the bathroom. I make my way through the halls, bumping into almost everyone that comes my way.
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4 years agoWhen I think thereโs no one in the perpendicular hall, I turn and ram straight into Liam Braxton, the most popular sophomore ever. I stumble backward, dropping my books and papers all over the hall. He grabs my wrist to keep me from running into the next person turning into the hallway. I start to pick up my books as he bends down to grab the scattered papers.
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4 years agoโThanks,โ I mumble, grabbing the papers from his outstretched arm.
โYouโre welcome. Itโs Morgan, right?โ
โYeahโฆ?โ
โIโm Liam.โ I nod.
โWell, thanks.โ
โSee you around.โ
โBye,โ I turn and go on my way.
~
I shut my book and close my eyes. Laying down on my bed, I contemplate whether or not to do my homework. I donโt get very far.
~
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4 years ago I walk into the room and the peaceful sound of nothingness surprises me. I sit down on the floor and just listen. I havenโt heard this sound in forever. I start to lay down and then I hear it. The pitter-patter of raindrops bouncing off the roof. This sound calms me too. But Iโm much more familiar with it. I wish it would go away. I want to hear nothingness again. I look out the window, my vision blurred from the rain streaming down it.
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4 years agoAnd from the tears streaming down my face. I start to fall. Iโm too weak to stand. I had to get help.
Saturday, September 1, 2019
Iโm back at the hospital, getting a follow-up appointment after my chemo. I hold my parentsโ hands, waiting for some good news. The doctor says the medicine didnโt help. It didnโt work. The cancer was getting worse and worse. Spreading throughout my body, and I couldnโt stop it. I would have to wait another few weeks until the next round of chemo.
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4 years ago I couldnโt wait that long if this would kill me. Every day I come back to this prison, same routine, same people, same thing. If the medicine wasnโt working, then why should I have to come back? Why should I have to keep getting the medicine that didnโt help? It didnโt add up. I want to be free of this dungeon, these chains. I want to be free and live a normal life, even if it would kill me.
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4 years agoFriday, September 27, 2019
I sit alone at this table in the corner of the cafeteria listening to the loud voices. Iโve started my second round of chemo and Iโve already started losing my thick caramel hair. It wonโt be long until I have to shave my head. Iโm not ready for that. I canโt let people see me like that. I wonโt.
Liam walks over and sits by me. Heโs been a great friend and I need to tell him about my cancerโฆbut I just canโt. What will he think of me?
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4 years agoHe wouldnโt want to hang around with someone sick and weak. But, I have to tell him before I get too close. I have to keep myself from more pain.
โLiam, I need to tell you somethingโฆโ I ease into the conversation. By his face, I can tell heโs concerned. โIโฆIโฆI haveโฆcancer.โ I finish uneasily. He looks confused, scared, and maybe even a little hurt.
โFor real, Morgan?โ He doesnโt make eye contact.
โYeah, leukemia. And itโs spreading.โ
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4 years agoโAre you going toโฆtoโฆdie?โ He starts to tear up. I donโt answer him for the longest time.
โMaybe?โ I question myself, wondering if I said the right thing.
Wednesday, October 23, 2019
Iโm at the hospital, the medicine being pushed into my blood. I asked Liam to stop by, for company. Who knows if he actually will.
โHey, Cupcake.โ I hear a voice call from behind me.
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4 years agoโHi, Liam.โ
โWhatcha working on?โ I show him a sketch of us. A copy of a picture we took before I lost my hair. โMorgan, wow, thatโs amazing.โ
โItโs for you.โ He grins. โYouโre the best, the best friend I could ever ask for.โ I start to cough uncontrollably. A nurse rushes over and takes me away, to a room to die, to sit alone and wait. To wait for my last breath.
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4 years agoTuesday, December 5, 2019
I donโt have much longer. Now I just sit in the hospital and wait. Just like I knew would happen. I havenโt experienced love, or nothingness, just friendship. And Iโm grateful for that. Iโm grateful for Liam, whoโs stayed with me and cried with me and just been there. Now I sit in this bed, longing to hear nothingness and not hear the beeping of the machines and all the commotion around me. My parents are here with me as Iโm dying, but I just want to be alone.
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4 years agoI hear a gentle knock at the door. Itโs Liam. My parents leave us to say goodbye.
He just sits and looks into my eyes. A tear runs down his cheek and I start to break. Reaching out my arms, I hug him tight and whisper โI love you.โ I pull out the sketch of us. The sketch I never got to give him. I still donโt know what real nothingness is but Iโm close. He kisses my cheek and looks at me. Wiping the tears off my face, he whispers it back.
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4 years ago I feel a deep friendship. My heart starts to slow down. My eyes start to close. My breathing becomes slow. My body goes limp. And at last, nothingness.
Thatโs it...hope you like it Morganโฅ๏ธ
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4 years ago