Marta Diaz
4 years ago
- 285
- 83
I’m so sorry to read about your mom. My mom passed away, as well, back in September. I was mostly off Recolor until recently. I hope you’re doing okay. Take care. Hugs 💞
Jcdr97
3 years agoSaw you stopped by my gallery- seeing if you were coloring again- miss ya my friend❤️
Marta Diaz
3 years ago@Jcdr97 no not yet, I miss it, so stop by checking out the colorings. I just don’t know where to start, what to color, some what uninspired. I have done some painted stones for my mom’s grave. Her birthday was Aug 14th.
I know this is “personal” & not the right place to say it. I carry guilt, a lot of guilt. I feel like it took her life. She was on a respirator, pressured by family & emotionally overwhelmed I took her off, even though on that day, at that moment I felt it was wrong, I did it.
Peyz33 aka Karen🍃🇺🇸
3 years agoCome back - I miss your coloring ♥️
Peyz33 aka Karen🍃🇺🇸
3 years agoMarta I don’t want to butt in where I’m not invited but I had to take care of my dad who had dementia and when I couldn’t do it I put him in an assisted living home. It only took 88 days from being physically healthy to his passing. I blamed myself - and still do but I know in my heart I did the best I could do - woulda coulda shoulda won’t change what has been done. I’m sure that whatever decision you made was with love - family can be both a curse and a blessing - I alone had to make all
Peyz33 aka Karen🍃🇺🇸
3 years agoOf the critical decisions. My sister just held her hand out for her money. I’m absolutely positive That your mom would not have wanted to lay in a bed on a respirator with no quality of life. God helped you make the decision and it was the only one you could make. It took me a long time to get to that place of acceptance - try not to “what if” yourself into a downward guilt spiral 😘
Marta Diaz
3 years ago@Peyz33 aka Karen 🖤🇺🇸 funny I read your message today. I had a real hard day, as my mom received an CoVid vaccine invitation notice. I sorry for your lost specifically how it made you feel, we all have our stories, dont we. I appreciate you sharing it with me, caring enough to share a personal painful moment to give me clarity, guidance and peace, people have told me many things, and to honest sometimes their responses feels so genetic, & and I know its because they dont care but don’t know...
Marta Diaz
3 years ago@Peyz33 aka Karen 🖤🇺🇸 ... what to say. Your words to me didn’t feel empty. I felt it, understood it. It gave me a sense of calmness which is great since its like 2am amd until your comment i was drowning in guilt amd remorse.
I am going to color again, been wanting to but I’m undecided what to color first.
I’m also grateful that so many people care, time hasn’t deterred them from showing me sympathy and inspiring to color, welcoming me back.
Again thank you so very much
Marta Diaz
3 years ago@Peyz33 aka Karen 🖤🇺🇸 oh and btw, you’re literally one of my first friends/connection on this app, you’re always invited to give me advise or criticism, I know regardless which one you’re giving me it’s not given for the wrong reason. I don’t think you’re that kind of person.
Marta Diaz
3 years ago@Beachgrl (Carol) I lost for words, I dont know why I didn’t reply to you. I feel ashamed. I’m sorry. I know these words by now are repetitive & well if you’re like me at least on that day & then the funeral service, all I did is try to avoid hearing., the phrase “I’m sorry for your loss”. The thing is I am sorry you loss your mom. As also glad it seems you found peace with it and made your way back. I know I will too. I’m 7months late but Thank you for stopping by ❤️
Peyz33 aka Karen🍃🇺🇸
3 years agoA quote for you- your mother is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street. She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick,the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well. She’s your breath in the air on a cool winter day. She’s the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep. The colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning. Your mother lives inside your laughter. She’s the place you came from,
Peyz33 aka Karen🍃🇺🇸
3 years agoYour first home, and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy - but nothing on earth can separate you - not time - not space - not even death.
Peyz33 aka Karen🍃🇺🇸
3 years ago😘
Marta Diaz
3 years ago@Peyz33 aka Karen 🖤🇺🇸 what a way to make a girl cry & not because it made sad but because it’s true, every word of that quote is real/factual. Still I crying, oh god
What hurts me is the thought that “I’m” the cause. I picked the date, Oct 1st. That morning I got ready, went to the hospital, sister spend the night (only 1 could), had panic attack in the parking garage, got myself together enough to walk in had to go sign papers & watched her die. Told her I was sorry -time pronounce & I left
Marta Diaz
3 years ago@Peyz33 aka Karen 🖤🇺🇸 I remember walking through the hallways after, not crying, feeling empty. My husband holding my hand was like walking 4 me. Just moving forward. Got home & slept on the sofa bed alone for like 3 months, w/ the exception of the funeral, I had the worst panic attack while saying I put her there. It was just me & hubby. We had show up earlier to make sure everything was ok.
This whole part I remember it like a dream & that whole time I kept thinking I was wanting to wake up.
Peyz33 aka Karen🍃🇺🇸
3 years agoWhat you are feeling is as natural as breathing. It would be nice if we as children didn’t have to make these hard decisions for our parents. But they made hard decisions for their parents and that’s just the way it goes. I had to watch my dad go from perfectly healthy (in my care) to unable to walk - unable to eat - and gone in less than 3 months. I lived with him for 3 years. So I feel your unease about the decision you made. My dad was 6’3 260 pounds and I couldn’t lift him when he fell
Peyz33 aka Karen🍃🇺🇸
3 years agoOr protect myself when he became belligerent- I was scared for both of us. Hind sight if I didn’t put him in assisted living I don’t know what else I could have done. You face that same crossroad. There’s no easy fix for doing what needs to be done. There aren’t any words that will take away what you feel in your soul - but you do learn to live with it. You are not the cause of what happened to your mom - you were the one who had the courage to let her be at peace.
Peyz33 aka Karen🍃🇺🇸
3 years agoTry to live with that in your heart - I still struggle every day but I know in my heart I did what he would have told me to do. He never wanted to be a burden to anyone - he was at peace when he passed. I’m still trying to be at peace with my decision. You aren’t alone in this 💔
Marta Diaz
3 years ago@Peyz33 aka Karen 🖤🇺🇸 I even asked if I was dreaming or is this all real. I asked that a lot. Was just so surreal.
The pain/guilt will never go away, I come to terms w/ it because I knew what it meant still I FOUGHT to be her guardian, social worker had to come & grant it. Im the youngest & the hosp automatically gave it to my eldest. I prove I made her medical decisions by giving him- dr name/numbers & that she lived w/ me.
I chose to carry that burden.
She didnt even help her put shoes on❗️
Barb Leifheit
3 years agoHello Dear Lady, I just read your post about my frog. Thank you! As for all the earlier ones I’m sorry to hear about your Mom. I also have some guilt about my Mom. Please know if you want you can always write to me. May God give you peace!
Beachgrl (Carol) 🌸
3 years ago